i'M DONE!

I was in pain for so long, almost my entire life up to this point. When I was small, I accidentally caught my d watching pornography with many of his friends. I could never forget their face when they watch those kinds of movie. It’s like they were obsessed with it. That made me stay away from men in my entire teenager-hood. I was also a victim of my own p’s child-raising-philosophy. They believe the only way to make the child obey is to hit them hard enough so they can remember. Yes, I remember, not my mistakes, but all of the purple bruises and how long did it take to heal these. Child-abuse? It destroyed my soul so much that later when I made a mistake, I would hurt myself. Then they broke my dream, they broke my future, they took me away from everything that matters deeply to me. And they trust the new place will be better for me. Yes, it’s better in a way that it made me stronger after I try to commit suicide multiple times. Yes, it made me realize that life is precious.
I was in pain for so long. It truly makes me angry. Why do I have to be in pain for that long? Why me? Why I have to live with the shadow of someone spread over my life? Why I have to live with the consequence of other people’s action in my life? Why I have to feel hurt when it’s entirely not my fault? Why I have to live like trash every single day of my life?
I AM EXHAUSTED OF NEGLECTING MY OWN FEELING, OF SUPPRESSING MY DESIRE BECAUSE OF LIFE’S DOGMA.
KNOW WHAT? I’M DONE! I’M THROWING THESE HURTFUL MEMORIES DOWN THE TOILET AND FLUSH IT. I WILL LIVE MY LIFE NOW. I’LL RISK EVERYTHING FOR HAPPYNESS.